Oh, Emmett
by Pikaseel
Summary: Bella enjoys that she's going to teach a class at Dartmouth, but Emmett just ahas to ruin her fun. Avenue Q songfic


Bella sits in the Cullen living room, her laptop sitting in her lap. "Finally! I get to teach a _whole _lesson all by myself! And I'm gonna teach something relevant, something modern! The internet!" She smiles and starts to sing, "The internet is really, really great!"

"FOR PORN!" Emmett's loud, boisterous voice booms from somewhere in the house.

She frowns and shakes her head, continuing.

"I've got a fast connection, so I don't have to wait!"

"FOR PORN!!" Again, Emmett shouts.

"Wha?" She blinks and frowns, before starting again. "There's always some new site."

"FOR PORN!"

"I'm browsing day and night..."

"FOR PORN!"

"It's like I'm surfing at the speed of light…" She looks to the stairs when Emmett jumps down, shouting, "FOR POOOORN!"

"Emmett!" She shouts and glares at him, but he ignores her completely.

"The internet is for porn!"

"Emmett!"

"The internet is for porn!"

"What are you doing?!"

"Why do you think the net was born?! Porn, porn, PORN!" Bella stands up and sets her laptop down, walking over.

"Emmett,"

"Oh! Hello Bella!" He says and grins at her.

"You are ruining my song!" She says hotly.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to!"

"Well if you wouldn't mind please being quiet for a minute so I can finish?" She asks. He smiles and pretends to zip his lips, whispering, "Okie dokie," "Good!" She smiles.

"I'm glad we have this new technology!"

"For porn- Oh!" He slaps a hand over his mouth and she sighs.

"Which gives us untold opportunity!"

"For porn- oh sorry!"

"And from your own desktop,"

"For-" He clamps another hand over his mouth.

"You can research, browse and shop,"

"Mmm!"

"Until you had enough and you're ready to stop!" Emmett's body shakes violently and he throws his arms in the air, shouting, "FOR POOOORN!"

"Emmett!"

"The internet is for porn!"

"Nooo!"

"The internet is for porn!"

"Emmeeeett!"

"Me up all night hugging my porn! To porn, porn, porn!"

"That's gross!" Bella says and scrunches her face up. "You're a pervert!"

"Ah, sticks and stones Bella…" He says and grins.

"No, really, you're a pervert! Normal people don't sit at home and look at porn on the internet." A silence hangs between them as he gives her a disbelieving look.

"Ohhhhh?"

"What?" She said and raised an eyebrow.

"_You_ have no idea! Ready normal people!?" He shouts, and suddenly Jasper, Jacob, Carlisle and Edward appear on the stairs.

"Ready!"

"Ready!"

"Ready!"

"Let me hear it!" And all five of them burst into singing. "The internet is for porn!"

"Sorry Bella!" Edward says quickly.

"The internet is for porn!"

"I masturbate!" He says again.

"All these guys unzip their flies for porn, porn, porn!"

"The internet is not for porn!" She says.

"Pooorn! Pooo-"

"Hold on a second!" She breaks in. "Now I happen to know for a fact that you, Carlisle, check your stocks _and_ portfolio online!"

Carlisle nods. "That's correct."

"And you, Jasper, buy things on !"

Jasper shrugs. "Sure."

"And you, Jacob, keep selling your possessions on Ebay!"

Jacob grins. "Yes I do!"

"And _you_, Edward," She points to him. "Sent me that sweet online birthday card."

Edward smiles. "True,"

Emmett smirks with his arms crossed over his chest. "Ohhh, but Bella! What do you think he did… _After_? Hmmm?"

They all snickered as Edward rubbed the back of his head. "Yeah…"

Bella stares at him in horror. "EWWW!!!"

"The internet is for porn!"

"Gross!"

"The internet is for porn!"

"I hate porn!"

"Grab your **** and double click for porn, porn, porn!"

"I _hate_ men!"

"Poooorn!"

"I'm leaving!" She says as she stomps toward the door.

"Pooooorn!"

"I hate the internet!" She yells and slams the door shut behind her.

"The internet is for, internet is for, internet is for porn!" The end, not moving for a few moments.

"Did you get all that, sis?" Edward asks when Alice walks out, holding a video camera. She grins.

"Yep! Every single thing!"

Emmett chuckles and pats Alice's shoulder. "Nice going! Now, I'm going to go and check out some Rose porn!" That got him a five smacks upside the head.


End file.
